I can't even begin to sum up all that has happened since I got here. So much and yet it is just the beginning.
I don't think I can say that it feels like "home" here yet, at least not in a geographical sense. I have found that I feel spiritually at home in the small-town church called the Dream Centre. It is a small wonder that the very kind of church I was looking for in Prince George (a town with a population of 80,000) but could not find, was across the country tucked away in this tiny community of Burks Falls (only 1000 people) waiting for me to join it. I know I have never been in such agreement with the heart of a church as I am with the Dream Centre. Even after the first time I met the pastor and his wife back in December when I was visiting Peter for the first time... even then I knew this was a couple in touch with God's heart and people whom I would be more than delighted to serve under and learn from. They have the revelation of the Father's heart and are so sensitive and flexible to the Holy Spirit's leading... no ditch dwellers here! They are continually moving ahead as God leads and ready for change as He brings it, with mouldable hearts ad spirits submitted to His will. It is so refreshing!!! While the congregation may be small, they have a large and mighty heart with a forerunning spirit and the leadership in place to take them where God is calling them... and the kind of young adults group I have always longed to be a part of. I am so blessed to have been welcomed in as I have been both by the church, the young adults, and especially Peter's family.
I know Peter sometimes wonders why I like to be up at the house so much when I'm not hanging out with him. It's not that I get lonely down in the cottage since I am so used to living on my own already. I am so thankful for the cottage and to be able to have the space I need when I need it. Aside from the fact that the wireless internet is at the main house I came to realize that there is another reason I like being around his family even if I'm not specifically spending time with Peter. In fact, it is a huge revelation that just kind of hit me this afternoon.
The few memories I have of my parents being together and of us being what I as a child would term as "a normal family" ... are faded and few. Because of all the painful memories that started at age 7 when they separated, then 8 when they divorced... as a child I blocked out a lot of memories and tried to forget a lot of things as a protective mechanism. In the process of trying to forget the painful ones I forgot a lot of the good ones and just lost whole chunks of time altogether. There are years where I can only recall tidbits and there are many months missing altogether. So when the majority of my family life consists of brokenness, disjointedness, divorces, living with only one parent or the other, being pulled back and forth, back and forth.. watching both parents date a variety of people who always came before us.... and never feeling like either parent's house was a safe place.... to simply "be" in Peter's house surrounded by the sounds of siblings and both parent's in the house and just the normal day to day noises of kids bantering, boys watching and discussing the hockey game with dad, of mom being a mom and doing all her motherly things, of a sister being able to be a teenager, of boys being able to be kids... it is all a bit of a novelty to me. Not just a novelty. Being around his family and now having them comfortable enough with me that they act the same when I am around as when I am not... it is the closest I have ever been to seeing family as a whole operate the way God intended. Not split. Of course every family has it's weaknesses but I am enjoying them just as they are.
I know that to Peter it is just normal. Since he has never moved out or experienced independence like I have, I am sure he often takes it for granted because he has never known different. He would love to have his own place with all the space and peace and quiet he could want. To me, it is a wonder. I moved out as soon as I graduated and in the last 3 years I have moved 5 times... not including my recent move to Ontario. Even sitting in the basement of their house and hearing all the sounds of family above me has a sort of soothing and healing effect on my heart. I have never known family life could be like this. Of course it is not perfect, no family is. There is just something about knowing that a family, with all it's ups and downs, can stick together through it all... that a couple with so many kids and so much on their hands, can stick to their marriage vows and the covenant made before God to each other. Knowing that Peter grew up in this environment gives me added peace in our own relationship. The peace I have had from the beginning has never left, but being around his family and seeing the consistency Peter has lived with for years is only added comfort. I have known nothing but inconsistency in my life.
As for work, God has provided a bit of part time painting for a friend with a painting company. It will help keep me from going into further debt and covering my insurance, gas, cellphone, and groceries. I also have a possible 3 month nannying job from June-August. It could turn into a live-in nannying job if the family is the right fit for me, and I for them.
I am making some good friends and being invited to join the young adults worship team shortly after my move here was a blessing. Worship, singing and music is one of the things that brings me so much life and where I come alive in Christ. So having at least one small outlet for that is nice, even if it's only back-up singing right now.
I am full of excitement and anticipation for this summer. I am eager to be working full time again and looking forward to building a couple solid friendships.
I am considering investing in some art classes with local artists to help me tap into the artistic gifts I have only begun to explore in the area of painting, drawing... and I want to try sculpting as well.
I think one of the most exciting things for me is knowing that the relationships I start from here on out could last for years. I have a church with people I can learn from and people I can pour into. I have a place I may very well be calling my home base for years to come. Knowing that the friendships I start this year I could still have 5 or 10 or 30 years from now is an exciting thing for me. No more wandering and waiting for God to plant me. I think I can begin letting my roots take hold somewhere for the first time in my life. I love that this church has a heart for the nations and is actively involved in missions. I know that I am called to the nations and I'm excited to be part of a church that believes in equipping and sending out those called to places other than Canada.
The possibilities are endless, the horizon is bright, my soul is full of hope and joy.
