Psalm 39: 7
I think it was around the beginning of November that God started speaking to me about hope and renewing my hope in Him. Then, last Sunday my pastor preached on hope! Something he said that really spoke to me and encouraged me is this: Hope is not wishful thinking! Wishful thinking lacks certainty. Biblical hope is full of certainty because it is a hope in someone, not something.
It's not that I lost hope in Him. I just realized that there was a part of me that didn't fully believe He can do the impossible. My Father has been reminding me that He is God and He can do anything. Things that seem impossible with my natural eyes are possible for Him. So I have been taking any hope that in the past I mistakenly placed in circumstances and I am placing it all in Him. He is my hope of glory. He is my eternal hope. No one whose hope is in God will ever be put to shame. I am learning to believe in my heart (not just my head) all over again that God has the very best in store for me, His daughter. I am a princess in His kingdom and if my Father the King wants to keep me hidden in the castle a while longer, I need to trust His judgement and foresight. He has been reiterating something he has spoken to me time and time again... "Emma, just be mine. I want you all to myself right now. Will you be only mine?"
For You, oh Lord, are my hope, my trust, oh LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5
For as long as I can remember, yes even as a child, I knew that God had good plans for me. Better ones than even I could dream of. I had not yet read Jeremiah 29:11 but you can bet when I first did, my hope in the Lord was only strengthened and this verse gave me strength to hold on through the darker seasons and more painful years. The thing that God has been saying to me repeatedly is found in the next verse after; Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."
My heart has never felt so hungry for Him. He promises that if I seek Him with my whole heart I will find Him. He promises to listen to me. He also invites me to listen to Him. Sometimes He just wants me to rest in His arms and we don't need to say any words but the deepest things are exchanged in this wordless rest. His arms are strong. They make me strong. My strength is in Him. My identity is in Him. He is enough.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18
I can't say that my spirit was crushed. But a dream I allowed myself to dream was crushed. Perhaps the dream was premature because I now know that I wasn't supposed to be in a relationship yet. The timing was premature. God wasn't ready to share me yet, but I thought I was ready to share myself.
Last night at intercession I had a huge breakthrough. It had been a very long time since I had felt His presence totally engulfing and surrounding me. During worship I was able to enter in to His throne room and fully focus on His face. I felt His tangible presence engulfing me, His arms wrapping around me... and as I was singing to Him "I love, I love, I love Your presence" ... I heard Him singing it back to me! I just started weeping. My Father was singing over me that He loves my presence too. He loves my company. He misses me when I'm not with Him. He longs to be with me more than I long to be with Him. I was so overwhelmed and grateful and happy (and those words sound so dull, they only begin to describe what I was feeling) to be in His presence ... I was crying tears of relief and joy! It just blows me away that He feels even more strongly that way about me than I do about Him! And then He sings to me ... "If you want it (my presence) come and get it for crying out loud! The love that I have given to you was never a doubt." ... I had not felt His love so strong in a really long time. I didn't want the song to end and I didn't want to stop worshipping because the throne room was so peaceful and my mind felt so clear and my spirit felt so free.
While I was in the throne room He gave me further revelation to something He spoke to me about on Monday. Monday I heard Him say that He has given us a universal key to freedom. That universal key is Jesus. This universal key can unlock every door, every shackle/handcuff, every restraint... it can unlock every hidden thing in our hearts that we don't even know about yet.
Then Wed night while engulfed in His presence I heard Him say that this Universal Key also fits the lock on the door into the throne room and the throne room is where we find total and complete freedom in it's entirety! I was so relieved because I realized that while I never wanted to leave His presence now that I had found it again, He was reassuring me that I can return any time. I just need to focus on Jesus, remember that all of my confessed sins are forgiven, so I can boldly enter the throne room with a clear conscience and a white robe. Everything is under the blood and when I enter into the throne room through Jesus, all my Father sees is His pure and spotless bride. His innocent little girl. The joy was SO incredible when this revelation hit me afresh!
This next bit is a portion of scripture from Isaiah 43 that God gave to me and I found comfort in when I first moved here last Feb. I still find comfort in it.
1 But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.3 For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place.4 Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, And I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, And people for your life.5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, And gather you from the west;
Or in the Message version the first few verses are really encouraging:
Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine.When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end. Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you.
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. - Romans 8:25
That is the second part of what God has been speaking to me about. Hope + Patience. They go hand in hand. Maybe I've been patient for a while, but I am in need of more patience and endurance. Because so much of my life has been in "fast forward" mode, what may seem like short periods of time to others often feel like much longer to me, because God often does a lot of things in me and around me in a short period of time. I guess He is asking me to slow down and just be His for however long that is. I will always be His.. but I mean before He shares me with a husband. I don't ever want to run ahead of Him or even think ahead of Him again. I have never been more determined to learn this new level of patience and I know that the more time I spend hanging out with my Father, the faster the time will pass because time will matter less and less to me when my eyes are fixed on His.
The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.
Lamentations 3: 24
But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more. Psalm 71: 14
