Thoughts/Poetry/Venting
Finding ways to make simple things mysterious --- - -- - ~~-~~~~~
My thoughts a never-ending prism
of bending light and odd angles… one might catch a glimpse
if on the same colourful time warp for only an instant.
I, a right brained child in a left-run world,
trying and sometimes succeededing to succeed whilst not fitting the frame of everyday
happenings.
Eagle's eye perspective I see;
as whole perspective is mine, I cannot ignore certain pieces.
One of the honest ones I am,
yet if I can identify the loopholes in our textbook system,
I'll quickly opt for them.
The human heart and mind has no textbook,
so why do we try to remedy life and answer the big questions with bullet form answers?
I am not one for shortcuts, rather I wish to experience and witness everything in one lifetime;
That does not work for one on the regimented path of a 4-year undergrad and another 5 for the masters.
Experiential learning is where I thrive, and since life cannot be learned in the classroom, I wish to be outdoors, immersed in the mess of it all and finding joy in the grime and dirt where the "least of these" scrape by. Bringing joy to the life of someone who has been consistently ignored and downtrodden by simply opening a door for them with a smile and a sincere hello.
Knowledge is only good if we use it in action to better this world.
Idle knowledge puffs up and wastes student loans or hard earned money.
Borrower is servant to the lender.
I only ever want to serve Jesus.
Owed money ties down;
Debt-free leaves me free to obey and go where He sends when He sends.
Sometimes I have moments.
Moments of dangerous comparisons to my "normal" sisters,
who didn't hesitate in pursuing post secondary aspirations
… well such moments leave me somewhat deflated and critical of my lack of paper achievements.
Then I am struck with the beautiful revelation of paper. Oh paper.
Ha! PAPER!! A glorious thing for conveying words, poetry, making ancient stories last centuries beyond occurrence.
Paper, simple pureed flattened wood.
Biodegradable.
Paper will not follow us into eternity.
Souls will.
As much as we live out our existence as if souls are banana peels we throw out the window on a road trip that will just break down into the dirt and be good for the environment… souls don't work like that. They have memories, feelings, thoughts, experiences, and make decisions every day of eternal consequence.
We have responsibility.
We know better.
Do we?
The only thing any of us Jesus followers should be aspiring to
is to be soul-winners, disciples, and apostles. Even more so, true fathers and mothers.
For some people, having a piece of paper with a "Dr" or "Professor" next to their name is just one of the necessary steps to fulfilling their purpose here
or walking out their dream.
Let's face it, some souls are so high up the social, political, or academic ladder, they won't give a second thought to someone who isn't on the same playing field as them.
I admire those who can do it and love it and live a full life at the same time.
No small feat.
I just need to recognize and remember that I'm not one of those.
And that's ok.
I am intelligent and would love to further expand my overall knowledge of the world and all that is in it.
However, if I am not first faithful with the wealth of knowledge that has already been provided…
if I am not faithful with the simple command of living a life of radical love for people,
enough to tell them about a personal God who wants to walk with them through life and bring complete freedom..
well then all added information is simple gluttony.
Speaking of gluttony, it is one of the biggest reasons I gave up on conventional structured church.
The hoard of sheep that stampede to church screaming gimme, gimme, gimme!
Need, need, need … counsel me, pour into me, teach me, recommend another 10 books I can read to be a better Christian.
It's like we went from eating baby food, to solid food, and we can't digest it because we never first learned to digest the baby food... never got off our lazy bums to
move out and do anything with the first serving we received, let alone 2nd course, 3rd, 4th, 5th…and so on.
And and as if a six course meal isn't enough, we demand desert! MORE MORE MORE and rarely, give give give.
A body cannot remain healthy if all it does is eat and never exercise.
We have become gluttons of information when all Jesus asked for was simple fishermen to love their neighbours.
To love them enough to share the good news because we care about the eternal consequences of their souls if we don't. That is a healthy fear of God. Something hard to come by these days.
The buildings people meet in every Sunday and the things that happen in them,
well I just don't see it being how Jesus did/does things.
I don't see the communities surrounding these imploding buildings being dramatically changed or even remotely rocked. The majority of western churches have become big festering ingrown hairs, a nasty and repulsive thing that no person in the world who is really seeking long term radical, world-changing growth is going to be attracted to.
I want to be part of the body but in the family context, not an institution.
I don't want to be another ghost melting into the mixing pot of endless programs, 12 steps, and "small groups".
Tornados like myself don't fit well within four walls.
I need accountability, hence relationships that are deeper than the sabbath morning "Hello! How are you? Oh good, I'm doing well. Have a nice day!"
To love each other enough to lay our lives down for one another… to call in the middle of the week and ask about that thing I was struggling with
and if there is anything I need prayer for.
To know I can call my spiritual family members and ask them to stand with me, knowing they will, and it is ok if I fall, because none of us are running for church mayor
or the "holier-than-thou" plaque.
Yes I am a tornado but I need anchorage and a foundation to return to.
I see the big picture but who will sit down with me and plot out the steps to see these visions fulfilled?
A tornado outside in it's natural habitat can be a beautiful thing. Bring it near buildings and man-construed things or try to contain such a monsoon...
all we will be is disappointed. Destruction.
I don't want to destroy, yet nor can I bear to lay dormant.
It is a silent death
to know things and not act on them.
I might as well become a doormat if I don't live as I am called to live. LIVE!
To be continued. . .
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