The In-Betweens

Lemon cranberry blueberry muffins with almond slices on top!

(That moment when you pop into a coffee shop to get out of the rain, see delicious looking lemon cranberry muffins, and say to yourself "Psh, I can make those at home for a fraction of the cost.. and healthier!" Then you go home and do it.)

When I look at all my friends, some of them younger, who are married, having babies, getting to be parents and living the life I thought I would be living at their ages... I sometimes have to battle my thoughts not to compare or be jealous that I don't have that already.  I know, the big "j" word.  I do have that feeling from time to time but I don't dwell there or indulge it.  I remember all that I have and thank God for all His blessings.  I am genuinely so happy to see my married friends so happy, yet I also want to be a wife and mother... and not an "old" mom having all my kids in my 30's and 40's.  There, I just confessed that out loud.  I am inclined to ask the Lord "Why?"..."Why not me, why not yet?" Thought I don't have all the answers, and some could look at my family demographics and say that I have good reason to be scared of marriage (or even never get married), I have to come back to the truth of what Jesus tells me.  First of all, my past does not determine my future.  He can redeem all things.  While I can learn from past generations, I don't have to fear that I'll repeat history.  Generational curses have been broken.  I am setting a new precedent in the life I am choosing, wholly set aside for Him.

The road He has called me to is different from other roads.  My path has not and won't look the same as other paths.  Embrace that Emma.  The longer the wait, the more worth it when the promise is fulfilled.  There are promises that have already been fulfilled and more that are being fulfilled right now! Abide in the present, abide in Me. 

I've heard it said before that "the longer the preparation, the greater the calling" ... while it makes sense, I'm not entirely sure how that will play out in my life.  All I know is that the preparation IS long, often lonely, but not without sufficient grace.  As I lean into Him and hear His whispers of reassurance comforting my soul, my heart can rest in that place of trusting Him with all the unknowns, all the in-betweens, and all the waiting.

In the meantime, there is baking. *chortle*

University is a strange thing to enter so late in life.  I am grateful for the confidence and focus I have that I would not have had if I'd gone in right after highschool.  I am grateful for OSAP but also wrestling with the fact that I never wanted to go into debt for anything because I believe that God calls us to be lenders, not borrowers.  There is a verse that says "the borrower is servant to the lender" and I only ever wanted to serve God, and not be tied down serving and paying off a debt (with interest) to a government.  Yet I felt God leading me to where I am now and asking me to take that leap of faith in going to university.  I can trust that if He led me here, He will provide for me here.  I am believing for a way to pay off my debt before the interest starts.  He is a good Father who has always met my needs, often in the most unexpected ways. He takes care of me.  When all my options run out, He is faithful.  I am praying and trusting that just as God led the Israelites into the wilderness, and fed them manna from heaven, He will rain down His provision as I take these steps of faith and obedience. 

A couple days ago the Lord spoke to me through John 15:11-17 

"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that to lay down one's life for his friends.  You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.  No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose Me but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.  These things I command you, that you love one another."

At the end of the day, we are called to love God with everything in us, and if we love Him that will translate into obedience in loving one another as He did.  To love is easier said than done, especially to love the way Jesus does, but it can be done with the help of Holy Spirit.  Love God, love others.  The most simple powerful command out of which all the others flow.  When our earthly bodies die and we meet our Creator face to face and He asks us "Did you love well?", what will be our answer?  Whether or not I ever get to be a wife or mom, one thing I can focus on every day is loving well.  To be able to say that I loved God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and that I loved others, showing them the Father's heart for them... that would be a life well lived.  To hear my Father say "Well done, good and faithful daughter." That would be enough. 

"Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask in the Father in My name He will give you.  Until now you have asked nothing in My name.  Ask, and you will receive, that your joy will be full."  - Jesus (John 16:23-24)